


when it comes to luck, we make our own

by sorek



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bucky Barnes Deserves Better, Fix-It, M/M, and i'm gonna give it to him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-19 23:56:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18980986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorek/pseuds/sorek
Summary: Bucky Barnes guesses he could be considered lucky, in the view of someone with a pretty messed up idea of luck. He's survived against some dicey odds over the years. But somehow, he isn’t sure he’s going to survive what comes next.





	when it comes to luck, we make our own

**Author's Note:**

> To put it lightly, I thought the way that the way Endgame tied up (or didn't tie up) Bucky and Steve's plot threads was kinda garbage, so I decided to write this to soothe my aggravation. Enjoy!

Bucky Barnes guesses he could be considered lucky, in the view of someone with with a pretty fucked up idea of luck.

First in the army, lucky enough to be put in the 107th, captured by the Germans and Zola. Lucky enough to be the one survivor of Zola’s experiments. Lucky enough to be saved by a stubborn blonde angel who was supposed to be an ocean away, and not nearly so tall ( _taller than Bucky, now wasn’t THAT a change of pace_ ). Lucky enough to survive a fall that nobody should have survived.

Then, lucky enough to be picked up by the wrong side, and twisted into a weapon. Lucky enough to encounter ( _70-odd years and lifetimes later_ ) the one person in the world that no amount of HYDRA conditioning could ever fully erase. Lucky enough to be more-or-less forgiven for his numerous sins ( _because of the precious little idiot who wouldn’t give up on Bucky, even when Bucky had all the red in the world in his ledger)_  and helped by the Wakandans.

More recently, lucky enough to be decimated by Thanos, only to be revived ( _because of course Steve, his Stevie, would never stop fighting, odds be damned_ ). Lucky enough to be there to fight alongside everyone else and finally defeat Thanos. They had won.

So Bucky has certainly got a particular kind of luck, and he’s survived against some dicey odds. But somehow, he isn’t sure he’s about to survive what comes next.

* * *

 

He stands at a distance, watching Steve, Sam, and Banner go over the plan one last time.

“Remember...You have to return the stones at, the exact moment you got them. Or you're gonna open up a bunch of nasty alternative realities,” Bruce warns.

“Don't worry, Bruce. Clip all the branches.” Steve waves him off.

_"Yeah, and he's gonna clip the Bucky branch too,"_  Bucky's brain helpfully supplies, but keeps his face still and refuses to acknowledge the thoughts that have been eating him up ever since Steve came to him last night and told him he was going to be the one to put the stones back.

~~~

Bucky looks at Steve. “I could come with you.” 

“I know Buck. But this is something I gotta do alone.” 

“You’re gonna go back to her, aren’t ya? Your best gal," Bucky says, not including the unspoken thought, _"you’re gonna leave me alone."_

Steve says nothing, but Bucky almost swears the corner of his mouth twitches before he sighs,“I’m tired, Buck. Tired of being at war,” he shrugs. “Figure maybe it’s time for me to retire.” 

Bucky pretends he doesn’t feel a sting in his chest _(like heartbreak, like betrayal)_ at Steve’s non-answer, and instead snorts, “You, retired? Never thought I’d see the day. Who’s gonna go around picking fights with Goliath?” 

Steve does smile a little at that, “I was thinking I’d pass on the shield. To Sam. Seems like something he’d like.” 

Bucky barks a laugh at that, and says that he thinks Sam would be insufferably thrilled, and tries not to think about living without Steve Rogers. 

~~~ 

Bucky snaps back to the present as he hears Steve clap a hand on Sam’s shoulder and say, “You're a good man, Sam. This one's on me, though.” 

And then Steve is walking right toward Bucky and Bucky’s not ready for this and he never got to say anything ( _so many things, the most important things_ ) but as usual, it’s too late, and Bucky’s luck seems to be laser-targeted once again.

Steve grins at him. “Don't do anything stupid 'till I get back.”

Bucky wants to cry at the familiar words, but Steve wants to be happy, and no matter how the years change them, Bucky Barnes would do anything to make Steve Rogers happy.

Instead of crying, he forces a smile, “How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you.”

Steve grins and pulls him in for a hug that’s far too casual, far too quick, far too trivial for Bucky _(who wants so bad to grab Steve and never let him go again but Bucky can’t have that, now can he? The universe hasn’t been easy on him before, no reason to start now)._

Bucky clears his throat, “Gonna miss you, buddy.”

Steve holds both of his shoulders briefly, “It's gonna be okay, Buck. Trust me.”

And then Bucky is following Steve’s retreating back to the platform. Steve climbs up and starts suiting up, while Bucky goes to stand behind Sam and Banner.

Sam asks, “How long is this gonna take?”

“For him? As long as he needs, For us, five seconds,” Banner replies. “Ready, Cap?”

Steve flashes a thumbs up.

“Alright. We'll meet you back here, okay?”

“You bet.”

_Liar_ , thinks Bucky, but he says nothing and watches.

Banner flicks his switches and starts counting down. “Going quantum. Three.. two.. one…”

Steve disappears and something in the pit of Bucky’s stomach lurches.

Banner continues, “And returning in, five…”

_(you weren’t worth that much to him)_

“...four…”

_(why would he stay with you when he could have her?)_  

“... three…”

_(at least now Steve could be happy)_

“.…two…”

_(and Bucky was just gonna have to be alive without the stubborn little punk he’d been in love with, is in love with, would always be in love with)_

“.…one.”

* * *

 Moments pass, but Steve Rogers does not appear on the platform, to no surprise of Bucky’s.

Sam yells, “Where is he?” and he and Banner frantically try to figure out what happened, but Bucky know. He turns his head to hide the sting of tears that are threatening his eyes, when he spots someone in the distance.

Sam had gone silent next to Bucky, but now he follows Bucky’s gaze, locked on the figure on the bench. They both recognize the silhouette.

Bucky nods to Sam, “Go ahead,” because he doesn’t want it to be real, doesn’t want to see the gleam of a ring on Steve’s hand, doesn't want to see how that face has aged without him, but Bucky follows Sam not long after. And Bucky is only very confused when Steve appears to be no different than when he left, no ring on his fingers, but with some of the lost look gone from his gaze.

Steve smiles and jests and gives Sam the shield, and Sam as is excited and awed as Bucky expected, and Sam runs over to show Banner the shield, and then Steve finally, finally turns to Bucky.

“So what happened to your best gal?” Bucky asks with the most casual tone he can muster.

“I met her. Gave her that dance I owed her,” Steve smiles wistfully.

Bucky looks confused, “But you didn’t stay.”

Steve shakes his head, “Peggy had a whole life that she built. A family, a career. I didn’t think it was my place to take that from her.”

“But you loved her,” Bucky shakes his head. He doesn't understand what the fuck Steve is doing, because this isn't what Bucky expected at all.

“I did,” Steve nods, “And going back to see her again meant the world to me. But I’m a different person now Buck. I’ve lived a whole lot of life without Peg too. And I always used to tell…”

Steve's face twists with sadness and grief for a moment, but he pulls himself together and chuckles without humor. “Nat always used to try and get me to date. And I told her, it’s hard for me to find someone with shared life experience.”

Bucky snorts, “Yeah, not many dames who can level with the whole "Frozen for 70 years, Man out of Time" shtick.”

Steve chuckles for real this time, “Exactly. But through all these years, all the craziness, what I do have…what I've always had, is you, Buck.”

_Wait, what?_

Steve continues, “God, finding out that you hadn’t died falling from that train, when I couldn’t catch you,” Steve’s breath hitches, “and HYRDA got their hands on you and they made you a tool. But I found you Buck, and I got you back, and here we are, in a whole 'nother century, but it’s still you. I just got you back. I can't lose you again,” Steve sounds like he’s about to sob.

Bucky wants to be happy, he should be happy, because Steve came back for him and _Steve left Peggy for him_  and even though Bucky’s heart is kick-flipping and he wants nothing more than to embrace the man in front of him and never, ever let go again, Bucky’s just too damn soft when it comes to making Steve Rogers happy. And damn if Bucky is going to let Steve make this mistake.

“Geez Steve, I know you were takin' the stupid with you, but for fuck's sake! You just saved the goddamn universe! You were supposed to retire, you were gonna go to Peggy, you were supposed to be happy! You can’t throw that all away for the likes of me!”

Steve tries to protest but Bucky pushes on, “I’ve done a world of hurt to a lot of people, Stevie, and even if I was brainwashed, I know what you’re gonna say, it was still my hand pulling the trigger and--”

Steve tries to interrupt, “But Buck, I--”

Bucky doesn’t let him, “--no way that you could throw away your one shot at happiness for some selfless bullshit, you absolute moron, I’m not gonna sit here and watch you be an idiot--”

Steve tries again, “Buck, you’re not letting me finish--”

“That’s because I know what kinda self-sacrificing nonsense you’re trying to pull, as usual, god, even after saving the literal universe you can’t shut up and let yourself be selfish for one stinkin' minute--”

Steve throws his arms up in frustration, “I am trying to be happy! With you, you knucklehead!”

“What does that--?" Bucky growls in frustration, but Steve is suddenly close enough to touch, and Bucky is not prepared for that. He’s not prepared for Steve’s hands to gently but firmly cup his face. And he’s definitely not prepared for the unreadable, nervous look that flashes on Steve’s face. Bucky doesn't even get a chance to decipher that expression, because then Steve’s lips cover Buck’s own for a single, earth-shattering moment that resonates for an eternity. When Steve pulls away, Bucky's mouth is gaping. _What the actual fuck?_

“What I’m trying to say, Buck,” Steve is smiling shyly and still holding Bucky’s shocked face, “is that I think I’ve finally found that someone with that shared life experience. I finally got my best guy back. Who else would I wanna retire with?”

Bucky honestly expects an explosion to happen in the distance right then. Or for gunfire to start raining upon them. Or maybe for Thanos to suddenly crash land out of the sky wearing a hula skirt and dragon kick Bucky right in the face.

Because that’s the kind of luck Bucky Barnes is used to having. Not this, this unbelievable man standing two inches from him, saying impossible words to him, staring at Bucky like he hung the moon. Like Bucky is something to be happy about.

And maybe Bucky has been staring at Steve blankly for too long, because fear and worry and guilt bleed into Steve’s face and suddenly he’s too far away from Bucky, talking about how he’s being selfish and Bucky has been through so much and he didn’t mean to be presumptuous, if Bucky doesn’t want him like that, it’s okay and how he loves him too much as a friend to risk him and he just wants him to be happy even if it’s not with Steve, all sorts of useless nonsense, because _of course_ Bucky loves him. He always has, even when he didn’t know his own name. He’s always wanted Steve to be happy, and he always wished he could be happy with Steve. And Steve says he wants just wants Bucky to be happy, right?

So Bucky decides that what would make him happy right now is to get that “hung the moon” smile back on Steve Roger’s adorable, stupid face.

He cuts off Steve’s rambling by pulling him forward and kissing him hard and desperate, pouring in all the years of desire and loss and love and yearning, until they’re forced to break apart for air. They stand there panting, silent, staring at each other like they’re afraid to believe it.

Bucky breaks the silence, “You stupid punk. I love you. I’ve always loved you, Steve. 'Course I wanna be happy with you. More than all the infinity stones in all the universes,” he grins.

Steve throws his head back and laughs, “Good. Because I just put ‘em all back and I’m not getting you any, no matter how many puppy dog eyes you gimme.”

Bucky barks a laugh, and Steve pulls him closer and murmurs “I love you too, by the way,” and they stand there laughing and embracing and reveling until they hear Sam and Bruce whooping and cheering in the background, and Bucky can’t bring himself to be even a tiny bit annoyed.

Maybe he really _is_  lucky after all.

 


End file.
